When we experience hot play with a buddy or partner, we are often giving and receiving simultaneously, rushing towards orgasm, thoughts racing and body moving in ways we have relied upon to turn us on. If we can slow everything down and make space to build energy slowly while accepting thoughts and emotions as they surface, we can intensify our sensations, as well as our love for our own selves. We learn to own our “turn-on” in a way that is more felt and less conceptualized.
We feel more deeply. Sensations are magnified, and we can be seen in greater capacities. It can sometimes be challenging to be fully seen by someone that knows us intimately. If we slow down and witness more of ourselves and our partners, we augment our abilities to feel so much more, and it will have lasting positive effects on us.
One way to slow things down and look at our relationship to pleasure and surrender is by creating an edging scene. Many times, we have seen men in porn being edged, tortured and begging for permission to cum. Maybe their tormentor punishes them and demeans them physically and emotionally. It can certainly be super hot to look within ourselves at that relationship to power exchange—the parts of us that want to submit to authority, but have railed against it all of our lives.
Maybe we see ourselves as undeserving of pleasure because of the lingering effects of shame over gay sexuality. Maybe we have suffered a lot in our lives and want experience suffering, even punishment, in a safe, fun way, to “touch it where it hurts.” Having a buddy or partner edge us beneath the brink of orgasm can put us in touch with so much of our own subconscious programming, and allow us to confront the impulsive tendency to limit how much joy we might truly feel, how much intensity we want to experience, how deeply we desire, and yearn to be seen.
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